Ossie’s Officially Unapproved Guide to Stop Doomscrolling
(Put down the apocalypse rectangle. Pick up your peace.)
Let’s start here:
If you’ve read fifteen bad headlines in a row and your soul feels like it’s been microwaved in existential dread…
You’re not informed.
You’re brain is severely overcooked.
Welcome to doom scrolling: the fine art of slowly unraveling your sanity while pretending it’s research and being an informed citizen.
Here’s how to stop before you completely unravel like a cursed scroll:
Step 1: Admit You’re Trapped
It started with “I’ll just check the news,” and now it’s 3 hours and 42 minutes later and you’ve read about a the government trying to take over all libraries, massive layoffs, a flood, a scandal, three extinction-level events, and someone named Greg who microwaved fish in the office again.
You’re not browsing. You’re marinating in doom until your brain is cooked beyond consumption.
Say it with me: “I am emotionally spiraling and no, this tweet/TikTok/news article won’t fix it.”
Step 2: Put Down The Phone
Once you finish reading this super awesome guide put the phone down. Bonus points if you slam it down like it just insulted your grandmother’s cooking. Come on you can do it. What we need is time away from glowing screens.
You know…there are these non-glowing things called books.
Step 3: Give Your Thumb a Job That’s Not Self-Destruction
Your thumb is itching to pick the phone back up because it’s bored. It wants stimulation. Drama. Catastrophe.
Redirect it like the two year old that it is. Let it draw. Let it text someone (community is everything). Let it throw your phone across the room (gently…I cannot afford to replace your phone).
You are the boss of your thumbs.
Now act like it.
Step 4: Replace Scrolling with Something Pointless, Not Panic-Inducing, And Maybe Even Productive
Try looking at clouds and see if any of them remind you of a beautiful skull on their velvet pillow.
Try alphabetizing your snacks and tossing out that one bag of chips that expired three months ago.
Try staring blankly at the wall while narrating your inner monologue like a cryptic villain.
It’s not “productive” in the traditional overworking sense, but it is great for clearing the mind.
It’s also peaceful. Which is the ultimate flex in this economy.
If you must insist on feeling productive try one of the following: painting, subscribing to this hilarious blog, knitting, cooking something (don’t wait until you are just a skull to eat healthy), or going for a walk and letting yourself soak up some sun.
Step 5: If You Must Pick Up the Phone. Set a Time Limit. Then Lie to Your Device.
Yes, set that screen timer. Ten minutes max. Allow yourself to be informed with the bare minimum news to feel like you have checked in on society.
But when the timer goes off tell your phone you’re a ghost and you no longer wish to be reached.
Turn off your notifications and remind yourself that if the world is about to end, someone will yell loud enough.
Step 6: Reclaim Your Brain Space
Your brain isn’t supposed to be a doom archive.
It’s supposed to rest. Wonder. Reboot.
Not just brace for impact 24/7.
So unplug. Not forever. Just long enough to hear your own thoughts.
(Spoiler: They’re more fun than Twitter and 93% less chaotic.)
Final Thoughts from the Velvet Pillow:
The world is messy. No matter what you tell yourself, you staying anxious about it doesn’t clean up the world’s mess.
Step back from the screen. Place something in your hands that doesn’t glow, and rest your eyes.
Protect your peace like it’s the last peppermint in the apocalypse.
You can care. You can act.
But not while scrolling yourself into spiritual combustion.
– Ossie
(Eternal observer. Refuses to doom-scroll. Will roast your algorithm if necessary.)
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